Twas the Night Before Navidad

                 Twas the Night Before Navidad

                      (My version:  by Terry Coles)

Twas the night before Navidad and all through the land

Not a creature was stirring except my sweat gland

The  stockings were hung on the palm tree with care

As the warm balmy breezes blew through my hair

The monkeys were nestled in trees up way up high

And the jungle was quiet, not a creature did fly

Mama in a bikini with a drink in her hand

And Clyde with a fish pole, a catch would be grand

When out in the water we heard such a clatter

I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter

Away from my chair I flew like a flash

Stepped on a shell and tripped over some trash

The sun on the water sparkled with glow

And the break of the surf looked almost like snow

But what to my wondering eyes did appear

But a boat full of gifts and eight tiny reindeer

I noticed the Captain was chubby and thick

And knew at that moment it must be St. Nick

It tousled and joustled to shore it took aim

As I heard the old fart call out some name

"Jump Dasher, and Dancer, swim Prancer and Vixen
Quick Comet, swim Cupid paddle Donder and Blitzen!"

To the end of the beach it came with a crawl

Now swim away, swim away, swim away all

As sand from the beach when the wind blows does fly

High up to the treetops and gets in my eye

The boat came a shore and slammed into a tree

And a coconut bounced off and landed on me

And just at that moment I heard on the reef

Santa looking for something and shouted “good grief”

He pulled out a bottle and chugged down a beer

Said now I can take on those children I fear

Dressed up in a speedo and flip flops to boot

He said this is Panama? Oh what a hoot!

He called for a taxi the size of a bus

And filled it with toys with out much of a fuss

Then tied up the reindeer under a tree

And jumped in the cab after taking a pee

We heard him yell loud as they drove out of sight

Feliz Navidad to All, Along the Gringo Trail tonight